By Roberto Drelini
C.O.O. DTC Ent. Inc.
What really happens when a person catches their significant other in an act of infidelity? What emotions are triggered when a husband catches his cheating wife or a wife catches her husband cheating with another? Anger and betrayal are two common words that spring to mind, but usually are only the first two emotions felt. What follows quickly is resentment and distrust. Most people are puzzled on why it happens in the relationship. They seem to perceive the incident as something they did not see coming, although when we analyse most situations with hindsight, we see that there were a litany of signs that were glaring at us. So why do we choose not to look at those signs?
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I took the liberty of asking someone recently who I knew had just left a relationship after finding out their partner was disloyal. Their answer was quite telling. James was a hard-working blue-collar, middle income steelworker. He had met his former wife, Christine, when we were back in high school. It wasn’t love at first sight but after coming back home when finishing a post secondary education, James ran into Christine at the local fair the fall after his return to town. It was shortly after that meeting the two became inseparable and after dating for just less than two years, James decided it was time for him to pop the question and ask Christine to marry him.
For years into the relationship and one child later, it felt like some of the lustre had faded in the marriage. He mentioned that they felt more distant and would argue more than they had before. Even when the two made time for each other it didn’t feel like the old days, there was some kind of tension in the air. He had brought it to Christine’s attention a number of times but she had said that she felt it was all in his head and there was nothing wrong. James inevitably found out that his wife of four years was not being honest about her feelings in the relationship. He ended up not feeling well at work and without calling ahead came home early one day, only to walk in on his wife and another man. He said after catching her it was more of a relief since he always felt he knew she was stepping out on him. This is ironic, since in the next breath he admitted when looking back he actually felt some kind of bliss from trying to pretend to be blind on the matter. Knowing the truth became an affirmation that gave him some kind of release inside that made him feel better in one way. Mankind, wow, are we complicated…
Deep down what most of us want at the end of the day is to have the emotions that we give toward someone else reciprocated in the same way. It is when we feel deprived of that basic want or need that we feel cheated in the relationship that we are in. That basic feeling will can propel us to either go in the direction of looking elsewhere or towards her partner for answers. Sadly today, most relationships seem to take the knee-jerk reaction of selfishness, allowing ourselves to look elsewhere to find a way of plugging that hole or need that we feel we are missing. Henceforth why cheating has become so commonplace in most cultures today.
A wise man stated that humankind is a funny animal that sets itself up with a firm set of rules that even it cannot follow, dooming itself to failure from the onset.
So always remember that when communication breaks down and we feel deprived of those basic reciprocal needs we find ourselves yearning for in a relationship, chances are failure is on the horizon for that relationship. So if you really care about that person you are with take the extra time to keep an open line of communication and the dividends you will receive will make your soul feel whole.
Sounds like a pretty good work equity exchange to me.
